November 23, 2009

• Monday Funnies

  UPS
  Airlines
  
  Just in case you need a laugh: 
  Remember it takes a college degree to fly a
  plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a
  reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our
  jobs.

   

  After every flight, UPS
  pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe
  sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the
  aircraft. The mechanics corrects the problems, document
  their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe
  sheets before the next flight.
  
  Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
  humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
  by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded
  (marked with an S) by maintenance
  engineers.
  
  By the way,UPS is the only major
  airline that has never, ever, had an
  accident.
  
  
  P: Left inside main
  tire almost needs replacement.
  S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
  *
  P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
  S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
  *
  P: Something loose in cockpit.
  S: Something tightened in cockpit.
  *
  P: Dead bugs on windshield..
  S: Live bugs on back-order.
  *
  P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
  200-feet-per-minute descent.
  S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..
  *
  P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
  S: Evidence removed.
  *
  P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
  S: DME volume set to more believable level.
  *
  P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
  S: That’s what friction locks are for.
  *
  P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
  S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
  *
  P: Suspected crack in
  windshield.
  S: Suspect you’re right.
  *
  P: Number 3 engine missing.
  S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
  *
  P: Aircraft handles funny.
  S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be
  serious.
  *
  P:Target radar hums.
  S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
  *
  P: Mouse in cockpit.
  S: Cat installed.
  *
  And the best one for last
  *
  P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
  midget pounding on something with a hammer.
  S: Took hammer away from the midget.

  • 9:46 am
  • 4 Comments