March 1, 2010
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When is a Cat not a Cat?
Special Someone and I spent a good portion of the weekend at one of his floral wholesale suppliers. The Saturday evening show ended a little after 8.
As we pulled into his driveway Special Someone said “Back up a little.”
Me: “What?”
SS: “Back up a little.”
Me: (backs the truck up a little)
SS: “What is that on the porch? A cat?”
Me: “Nope. It’s a possum.”
SS: “A what?”
Me: “A possum.”
SS: “Are they dangerous?”
Me: “They can be if they’re cornered or protecting their young. Don’t let it bite you…it won’t let go.”
SS: “How do we get it away from the door?”
So…I tried honking the horn, which startled Mr. Opossum but didn’t budge him. After hitting the horn several times SS punched me in the arm and told me to quit…apparently honking the horn was a little too “white trash.”
Right…there’s a friggin’ possum on the porch and he’s worried about “white trash.”
Then we tried throwing snowballs at it. That got it moving but not all the way off the porch. It hid between the house and the railing on the porch.
I tried banging on the porch with a snow shovel. That got no response.
SS threw a brick at it. It should be noted that SS is also gay (duh) and as we all know d’ homos are genetically challenged when it comes to a) throwing and b) catching physical objects. The brick didn’t make an impression on the possum…but it certainly left an impression on the urn sitting on the porch.
I finally shook the railing and the possum scampered off the porch…and into the window well of a basement window.
We went into the house and SS immediately headed for the garage.
Me: “What are you doing?”
SS: “Getting my .22 pistol.”
(Oh, great…SS is going all Clampett on me.)
Me: “You can’t do that.”
SS: “Yes I can.”
Me: “No. You can’t fire that gun in the city limits.”
So SS grabs a pellet/BB rifle and begins pumping it up.
Me: “That won’t do much good. It’ll only annoy the damn thing.”
SS: “It might scare it out of the window well.”
Me: “You are not going to shoot the damn possum. It’ll crawl out on it’s own.”
SS discharges the BB gun into a bag of cat litter…after being reminded that discharging the gun at the bare, concrete floor probably isn’t all that good of an idea.
An hour and a half later, after shutting off all the outside lights, our furry friend was gone. I can’t wait to see if it shows up on a regular basis.
Incidentally, we did consider calling animal control. One should always remember, however, that animal control doesn’t capture the animal and turn it loose in an appropriate habitat. Animal control with euthanize the animal.
Comments (13)
“When it’s opposum”
When you talked about throwing snowballs at it I laughed out loud. I could actually picture you two throwing snowballs and bricks. Great writing right there!
I’m glad it had a good ending. I find that when wasps want to start building a nest under the patio roof I just gently sweep them away with a broom. I don’t know if that would work with a possum. Maybe a spray with a garden hose?
SS didn’t know what a possum was?
I love how honking the horn was a little too white trash, yet going after the thing with a .22 wasn’t.
I’d have just taken another door into the house and let the little creature leave of its own accord, but then again, I’m the type that people have dismissively called a treehugger around here too.
@jerry7171 - That’s a good thought, but unfortunately all the other doors into the house are blockaded by snow. I also had some concerns that seeing a possum that close to a human habitat might have meant that it was rabid. Instead, I think it was just trying to romance Special Someone’s cat.
I’ve never seen an opossum out in the snow… I’m surprised the thing didn’t get scared enough to “play dead.”
Euthanize the damn thing. Opossum are DISGUSTING! It’s the only animal I would swerve to hit.
@Viewtiful_Justin - That response seems a little more vicious than I would have expected from you.
@Anatomicsd -
Yeah…it’s the one animal I have no love for. They’re like…the cockroaches of the animal world. Eww.
Why is honking repeatedly too white trash but throwing bricks and firing rifles at it is perfectly civilized? haha.
ROTFLMAO!!!! We have Opossums that share the duck food and occasionally sleep in their pen… They are the only N. American marsupial and kinda cute, when they are not biting
. I figure, heck as long as they don’t kill the ducks and eat other vermin, I don’t care if the sleep in the barn!
I have a crazy kind of fondness for wildlife like that..
even skunks… although I don’t want either on my front porch.
Hope you’re doing well doc….
*~matthew~*