October 6, 2008

• Random

   

  1) It’s been raining all day.  The city has gotten about an inch of rain.  My yard has gotten two inches of water.  That would be because some idiot forgot to turn off the sprinkler system even though it was raining when he went to bed last night.

  2) Sweeney Todd was awesome.  The young fellah that played Tobias had a very impressive voice and an even more impressive third leg.

  3) So much for a $700 billion dollar bail out.  The DOW still went down like a pregnant polevaulter.

  4) Judging by my experiences at a noon meeting and the tenor of the emails I have been getting all day, today must be National Whiner Day.

   

  And for your entertainment…

   

  Subject: Harry the Eagle
   

  Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary his darlin of 10 glorious years.
  He went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead!
  Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get
  Himself another mate. But he just might like to cross the feather barrier.
  So he flew off to find a new mate.
  
  He found a lovely DOVE and brought her back to the nest.
  The sex was OK, but all  the DOVE would say is I am a DOVE.
  I want to Love! I am a DOVE. I want to love!
  Well this got on Harry’s nerves so he kicked the Dove out of the nest and flew off
  Once more to find a mate.
  
  He found a very sexy LOON and brought her back to the nest.
  Again the sex was great, but all the LOON would say is, I am a LOON,I want to spoon!
  I am a LOON I want to spoon!
  Egads, out with the LOON.
  
  Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous DUCK, so he brought
  The DUCK back to the nest. Again the sex was great, but all the DUCK would say was
  …well….you know.
  
  Scroll down.
  
  No……the DUCK didn’t say THAT!!!!! That’s an awful thing to think!!
  
  Scroll a little further
  
  
  
  The Duck said, I am a DRAKE you made a MISTAKE!

   

   

  South Dakota Romance: As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can’t forget last night.  You came to me unexpectedly during the calm and balmy night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.  You appeared from no where and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body…you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me.  Finally, I drifted off to sleep.  Today when I awoke, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night’s events.  My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you.  Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you…….
  you fricking mosquito….

   

  And finally…my favorite…

   

  When I was younger I hated going to weddings.

  It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, ‘YOU’RE NEXT’.

          They stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

  • 5:49 pm
  • 5 Comments