Special Someone and I spent a good portion of the weekend at one of his floral wholesale suppliers. The Saturday evening show ended a little after 8.
As we pulled into his driveway Special Someone said "Back up a little."
Me: "What?"
SS: "Back up a little."
Me: (backs the truck up a little)
SS: "What is that on the porch? A cat?"
Me: "Nope. It's a possum."
SS: "A what?"
Me: "A possum."
SS: "Are they dangerous?"
Me: "They can be if they're cornered or protecting their young. Don't let it bite you...it won't let go."
SS: "How do we get it away from the door?"
So...I tried honking the horn, which startled Mr. Opossum but didn't budge him. After hitting the horn several times SS punched me in the arm and told me to quit...apparently honking the horn was a little too "white trash."
Right...there's a friggin' possum on the porch and he's worried about "white trash."
Then we tried throwing snowballs at it. That got it moving but not all the way off the porch. It hid between the house and the railing on the porch.
I tried banging on the porch with a snow shovel. That got no response.
SS threw a brick at it. It should be noted that SS is also gay (duh) and as we all know d' homos are genetically challenged when it comes to a) throwing and b) catching physical objects. The brick didn't make an impression on the possum...but it certainly left an impression on the urn sitting on the porch.
I finally shook the railing and the possum scampered off the porch...and into the window well of a basement window.
We went into the house and SS immediately headed for the garage.
Me: "What are you doing?"
SS: "Getting my .22 pistol."
(Oh, great...SS is going all Clampett on me.)
Me: "You can't do that."
SS: "Yes I can."
Me: "No. You can't fire that gun in the city limits."
So SS grabs a pellet/BB rifle and begins pumping it up.
Me: "That won't do much good. It'll only annoy the damn thing."
SS: "It might scare it out of the window well."
Me: "You are not going to shoot the damn possum. It'll crawl out on it's own."
SS discharges the BB gun into a bag of cat litter...after being reminded that discharging the gun at the bare, concrete floor probably isn't all that good of an idea.
An hour and a half later, after shutting off all the outside lights, our furry friend was gone. I can't wait to see if it shows up on a regular basis.
Incidentally, we did consider calling animal control. One should always remember, however, that animal control doesn't capture the animal and turn it loose in an appropriate habitat. Animal control with euthanize the animal.
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