White and Wet
It snowed today.
Snow.
Snow.
In October.
No accumulation. Just big ol' wet white flakes. More to come tonight.
Lovely.
October 20, 2008
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Weekend
I was supposed to go to Sioux Falls on Friday. Didn't happen.
Instead, I got one of my Special Visitors.
(Every time I hear that phrase I cringe. Not because of MY Special Visitors, but because my Mother always called her menstrual period HER Special Visitor and it meant I was going to emptying bathroom trashcans filled with well wrapped tampons or feminine napkins. I know...thanks for sharing.)
So I ordered pizza in on Friday night and watched The Devil Wears Prada.
Autopsy on Saturday morning and THEN to Sioux Falls. I arrived just in time to see Special Someone finish tossing his cookies. Seems the mixture of cleaning agents he was using on the oven caused a rather nasty gastrointestinal upheaval. Either that or he was just sick to see me.
The afternoon was primarily spent cleaning. I got enough cat hair and "dust bunny" from the stairwell to weave a rug. I used extra Pledge on the wooden stairs. Mostly to see if Special Someone's upstairs roommate (who apparently doesn't know how to use a dust-rag) would take the stairs at his normal speed...in his stocking feet.
Hey...if he died in Sioux Falls he'd be someone else's Special Visitor.
Dinner party Saturday night. Leg of lamb with moroccan rub, garlic parmesan whipped potatoes, buttered steamed broccoli and caesar salad. Home baked apple pie for dessert. Surprisingly enough I didn't burn anything (I'm cooking-with-gas challenged).
Sunday afternoon was...well...chores. Bleh.
And let's hear it for Monday. Luckily there were enough annoying intrusions on my day so that I didn't get the rather impressive work list I'd composed for myself started.
Yeah...that was tongue-in-cheek. Glad you noticed.
October 16, 2008
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Random
-As we used to say in the fraternity...The Frost is on the Pumpkin and it's Time for Dicky Dunkin'. (You had to be there.)
-I met with my financial advisor today. He suggested I get used to a diet of Pablum. (And I can't believe I'm old enough to know what Pablum is.)
-I haven't turned my furnace on yet. I'm holding out for November 1st. The cat is not amused.
-I really must remember to put certain...ahem...toys away before the cleaning lady shows up.
-Does anyone else besides me like liver curry?
-The hospital IT people have cut off my access to YouTube. Bastards.
-I think the ATM at my bank can see me coming. It's broken/out of service at least 60% of the time.
-We're having a chili cook-off next to celebrate National Respiratory Therapy Week. I want to see if I can make chili hot enough to make them wheeze.
-It's slow enough at work that I actually have time to contemplate the difference in anatomy between oozers and shooters. And I'm not sayin'.
-Do you find that there are certain actions that you do without conscious thought (i.e. dial certain numbers) and when you DO try to think them through consciously you just can't seem to do them?
-Is anyone still reading this lame post?
October 13, 2008
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Monday Monday
Cuz this day has seemed twice as long as normal.
I wish I could convince my boss to let me off for Native American Day.
Wait...
I am my boss. Apparently I can't even win an argument with myself.
I had the kids for dinner last night. It was a "Build Your Own Burrito" kind of event. I provided multiple different types of hot sauce and salsa for condiments.
Amongst them was a little beauty called "Satan's Blood." It clocks in at 250,000 Scoville units. For comparison, I think jalapenos are less than 10,000 scoville units.
Friend Brian wanted to use "Satan's Blood" to spice up his burrito so I gave him a toothpick so that he could sparingly apply the burning death.
He added it to his burrito and found it good. He also inadvertently applied it to his penis and found it BAD.
"Spice up his burrito" indeed.
And now for more fun...
And that's how the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.....so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started.....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'. And that's how the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's how the fight started.....
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.....
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's how the fight started.....
October 10, 2008
October 9, 2008
-
Deadly Funny
So...one of the Maintenance Men comes up to me yesterday.
MM: "Hey, Doc. I hear there's been a water leak in the morgue bathroom."
Doc: "Yep. They've got the leak fixed but the area around the toilet is a mess."
MM: "I know. I'm supposed to replace ceiling tiles and prime/paint the walls."
Doc: "Sure."
MM: "I'd like to do that tomorrow. Have you got anything planned for the morgue?"
(silence)
(silence)
MM: "Well? Anything planned for the morgue?"
Doc: "We don't exactly PLAN things for the morgue. It's not party central...although I suppose you could say that people DROP by unexpectedly."
October 8, 2008
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The Nose Knows
So...my local otolaryngologist (ear nose and throat doc to you plebes) called me up and asked if I could come up to his office and help with a fine needle aspiration.
Seeing as I was just cruising for internet porn I was happy to oblige.
"This is material from a lesion in the right supraclavicular fossa" he says, squirting a little whitish material out of a syringe and onto one of my glass slides.
"It's an epidermal cyst" I say.
"How can you tell that? You haven't even looked under the microscope." he exclaims.
My reply..."Easy."
"I can smell it from here."
Next to rotting bodies and gas gangrene, epidermal cysts rank as the most malodorous of pathologic entities. Imagine soaking a mold impregnated sponge with concentrated vinegar and you have some remote idea.
And in other Nose News...
It is bad enough when one reaches the age where one must trim one's nose hairs but extracting a Grey Nose Hair is over the top.
October 7, 2008
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Cuz it's the Tuesday thing to do.
I pinched this from Viewtiful_Justin's blog. He answered with candor. I'm answering with flippancy.
· I am: a quasi-professional smartass and master of sexual innuendo.
· I think: often and well.
· I know: more than is good for me.
· I have: an itch in a place that I can’t scratch in public.
· I wish: there was a lottery ticket out there with my name on it.
· I hate: the fact that my cleaning don’t put things back after they move them to dust.
· I miss: virginity.
· I fear: the continuation of the Republican regime.
· I hear: much more gossip than I share.
· I smell: the John Vavartos Vintage cologne that I put on this morning.
· I crave: salty snacks.
· I search: almost daily for my damn checkbook.
· I wonder: if I’ll ever be able to retire.
· I regret: not grabbing that second bag of teriyaki chicken jerky from the snack tray in the doctor's lounge.
· I love: Special Someone but let’s keep that our little secret.
· I ache: when I eat too much.
· I am not: a talented pianist. Actually I’m not a pianist at all.
· I believe: cats have access to a parallel universe.
· I dance: to the detriment of others.
· I sing: rather well but don’t do so very often.
· I cry: at funerals. That’s why I tend to avoid them.
· I fight: like a girl…with poison.
· I win: when I really want to.
· I lose: when I really want to.
· I never: have had sex with a woman.
· I always: carry my wallet.
· I confuse: blue and black when choosing clothes early in the morning.
· I listen: carefully. Everything has potential for blackmail.
· I can usually be found: by anyone that is looking for me.
· I am scared: of heights.
· I need: some kind of noise in whatever environment I’m in.
· I am happy about: Special Someone getting closer to finishing his bathroom.
I imagine: I’ll wander off and grab a cup of coffee.
·
October 6, 2008
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Random
1) It's been raining all day. The city has gotten about an inch of rain. My yard has gotten two inches of water. That would be because some idiot forgot to turn off the sprinkler system even though it was raining when he went to bed last night.
2) Sweeney Todd was awesome. The young fellah that played Tobias had a very impressive voice and an even more impressive third leg.
3) So much for a $700 billion dollar bail out. The DOW still went down like a pregnant polevaulter.
4) Judging by my experiences at a noon meeting and the tenor of the emails I have been getting all day, today must be National Whiner Day.
And for your entertainment...
Subject: Harry the Eagle
Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary his darlin of 10 glorious years.
He went looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead!
Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get
Himself another mate. But he just might like to cross the feather barrier.
So he flew off to find a new mate.
He found a lovely DOVE and brought her back to the nest.
The sex was OK, but all the DOVE would say is I am a DOVE.
I want to Love! I am a DOVE. I want to love!
Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the Dove out of the nest and flew off
Once more to find a mate.
He found a very sexy LOON and brought her back to the nest.
Again the sex was great, but all the LOON would say is, I am a LOON,I want to spoon!
I am a LOON I want to spoon!
Egads, out with the LOON.
Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous DUCK, so he brought
The DUCK back to the nest. Again the sex was great, but all the DUCK would say was
...well....you know.
Scroll down.
No......the DUCK didn't say THAT!!!!! That's an awful thing to think!!
Scroll a little further
The Duck said, I am a DRAKE you made a MISTAKE!South Dakota Romance: As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the calm and balmy night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me. You appeared from no where and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally, I drifted off to sleep. Today when I awoke, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it all the more difficult to forget you. Tonight, I will remain awake, waiting for you.......
you fricking mosquito....And finally…my favorite…
When I was younger I hated going to weddings.
It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'YOU'RE NEXT'.
They stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
October 3, 2008
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TGIF
It's amazing how slowly the week goes by when the pathology service isn't very busy.
Off to Sioux Falls for the weekend. Special Someone is doing the flowers for a wedding on Saturday and I'm helping with delivery. Dinner with friends on Saturday evening followed by the musical Sweeney Todd at the Washington Pavilion.
And then the bar. I's gots twinks to ogle.
And now I'm off to do a lung biopsy. The Malignant Stick has been feeling the lack of attention.
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